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like_a_clownI just got the American lit paper back. A-. Wheee. She said it was speculative and needed some grounding in the text, and I quite agree. Seven pages largely based on four lines of poetry, written in a hurry...easy to stray a bit, no? I wrote that thing pretty quickly. Come to think of it, I wrote all three papers largely on the mornings on which they were due...if I chose to revise it, I might be able to refine it into something outstanding.
But then, that's my chief mode of protecting my ego--rushing something at the last minute then congratulating myself if I do well. If it isn't PERFECT, I say that imperfections are obviously going to slip through the cracks if I do things in such a stupid manner, but that I did well overall. See, if I ewre to really do my best and get anything less than a perfect score and writeup, I would feel horrible. It's easier to chastise myself for being dumb with the way I approach things, thereby giving myself an out, than it is to really give it my best and fail. I freely admit this. At the same time, it has become such an ingrained habit that I often find it impossible to concentrate intensely enough to be brilliant unless the paper is due NOW. Used to be I would start and finish the night before, and not sleep until I had it done. Last year I wrote most of a paper the morning it was due, and got my first A+. Now it's my habit to write a third or a half of a paper, go to bed, sleep entirely too long, and write the rest in a mad rush before I have to go take another test or go to work. Geez. But it keeps working, so I keep being stupid.
Maybe I should give that paper an overhaul. I'm starting to think of grad school, and I will need a prepared writing sample to give admissions offices and prospective letter-writers. Hmmm. I'm gonna check requirements for here and other places.
Man, I get the sudden urge to play The Legend of Zelda. I wonder if anyone has Nesticle. Off I go.
***added at 7:50: I just remembered. I got a B on the Philosophy paper. I passed the class :)
But then, that's my chief mode of protecting my ego--rushing something at the last minute then congratulating myself if I do well. If it isn't PERFECT, I say that imperfections are obviously going to slip through the cracks if I do things in such a stupid manner, but that I did well overall. See, if I ewre to really do my best and get anything less than a perfect score and writeup, I would feel horrible. It's easier to chastise myself for being dumb with the way I approach things, thereby giving myself an out, than it is to really give it my best and fail. I freely admit this. At the same time, it has become such an ingrained habit that I often find it impossible to concentrate intensely enough to be brilliant unless the paper is due NOW. Used to be I would start and finish the night before, and not sleep until I had it done. Last year I wrote most of a paper the morning it was due, and got my first A+. Now it's my habit to write a third or a half of a paper, go to bed, sleep entirely too long, and write the rest in a mad rush before I have to go take another test or go to work. Geez. But it keeps working, so I keep being stupid.
Maybe I should give that paper an overhaul. I'm starting to think of grad school, and I will need a prepared writing sample to give admissions offices and prospective letter-writers. Hmmm. I'm gonna check requirements for here and other places.
Man, I get the sudden urge to play The Legend of Zelda. I wonder if anyone has Nesticle. Off I go.
***added at 7:50: I just remembered. I got a B on the Philosophy paper. I passed the class :)
