(no subject)

[like_a_clown]

Thanks, anise

The [first] name of Richard gives you a very individual, reserved, serious nature. You stick stubbornly to your ideas or decisions, in spite of any appeals or advice; you are not willing to accept a compromise. You prefer to be alone with your own thoughts, rather than in the company of others. This name restricts spontaneity in association and the fluency of your verbal expression. When you are required to express yourself in personal matters requiring finesse and diplomacy, you feel awkward and embarrassed. Although you realize perfectly well what is expected of you, you are unable to find the right words, and hence you end up saying something inappropriate in a candid way. You can express your deeper thoughts and feelings best through writing. Your friendships and personal associations are rather restricted, being limited to those of a similar nature who can understand and accept your rather straightforward yet reserved manner. You are steadfast and loyal, and do not allow gossip or anything belittling to be said against those whom you accept in friendship. You find satisfaction in being outdoors or in getting out into nature, or in dealing with the products of the earth. There is originality and depth of thought contained in this name, particularly along practical and mathematical lines. This name can adversely affect the health of your respiratory organs, the heart and lungs. Also, you are prone to suffer from weaknesses centering in the head.

Now, the real deal:
I do feel very reserved and serious--but not too much lately. I often solicit too much advice, but often refrain from following it anyway. I prefer very much to be around others, because my thoughts can be more painful than I want to deal with. My impression is that I have some of the most random, spontaneous associations and verbal fluency of anyone I know; I've been told this by more than one person. It's true that I feel awkward and embarrassed when talking about personal matters, but less so lately than in the past, and I'm much more likely to err on the side of caution and conservatism than blurting out inappropriate things. I'm becoming less and less concerned with propriety anyway, in fact. It is true that I express things best in writing, but it often feels as if they take on a sanitized, too-neat shape when I write them out--my feelings and thoughts get rather messy at times. I do tend to keep my most personal things to a smaller circle, though I have many acquaintances that seem fond of me. I am loyal, sometimes to my own detriment. I will speak up against those who slander those dear to me, if I feel the criticism is too catty or is unwarranted. I live for my creature comforts; I love being outdoors in the summer (only), but I hate being dirty. As much as I know the dangers of overconsumption, I find nature to be kind of a pain in the ass for this reason--it's enjoyable, but so is a couch and a beer. I don't know about "originality and depth of thought" about practical and mathematical things, but I have been called fundamentally practical, not spontaneous enough, and the like--and I'm pretty good at math, it's just that I detest homework. I do have asthma and respiratorily-manifesting allergies, and "sickness in the head" could refer to any number of things--sinus problems, overanalyzing or depression, for three (of which I suffer from all).


Your [middle] name of Nathaniel is a dual influence: at times you can be extremely happy, expressive, full of fun, and good-natured; yet at other times you find congenial association impossible, being controlled by self-pity, moods, and depression. If you could express only the constructive qualities and restrain the negative qualities of your nature, you would always be good company. These contrasting qualities make it difficult for people to understand you and can lead to friction in your personal life. You are deep, philosophical, and refined, but your extremely sensitive nature causes you to become depressed over any real or imagined slight. You feel and sense much more than you can fully understand, and could become psychic if you delved into the occult. The problem then would be controllable thoughts, feelings, and reactions. You find it difficult to be patient, practical, and systematic, preferring to act impulsively as the spirit moves you. Indulgences could result in skin rashes, liver problems, heart trouble, or lung and chest congestion.

Doesn't everyone suffer from mood-swings? It's true that I have a bit of cyclothymic disorder, so maybe that applies to me especially, but I think anyone would respond with a "whoa, yeah!" to that first assertion. My self-esteem problems are often centered around the quality of the company I provide, so the second sentence makes sense, but again, that sounds pretty universal to me. I do often feel like only a few people "get me." I do suspect, and have been told repeatedly, that I am more "deep" and "philosophical" than most, but as I can never look into others' thoughts, I can never know the veracity of this. I am extremely sensitive to slights and the like, and I can brood for months over a rejection. I do not believe that anyone can "become psychic," especially just by exercising a curiosity about occult matters--a deck of Tarot cards do not a psychic make. The "finding it difficult to be patient [etc.]" contradicts my Richardness, which is supposed to lend lots of practicality to me. I have a BITCH of a time giving in to impulses on all but the smallest matters, on which I am entirely governed by them. Skin rashes? I have dry skin, and although I'm 22, I still have a shitty complexion (really rosy, breakout-prone, dryish). Lung and chest congestion? A bit. Not really, though.


The verdict? Nuh-uh.

But why, when I suspected this from the beginning, did I take the time to pick this apart like that? I'm a fucking narcissist, that's why ;)