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Nov. 4th, 2001 02:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
like_a_clowntoday I woke up, got groceries, came home, showered, burned dinner, watched television, used the computer, talked to Tiff, went to Kevin and Terry's and chatted for a while, then came home and watched some more TV and then talked with Kris.
I have not been happy lately. There are many reasons for this, most of which I am not acquainted with. I'm beginning to see patterns in myself that I thought I'd finished with, and that makes me even less happy. Yes, I'm being vague on purpose; I don't feel like dissecting myself in the theatre of LiveJournal, thanks.
I saw, in a documentary on Taliban-controlled Afghanistan and its effects on women, a shot of a man throwing a woman to the ground and placing his assault rifle against her burqa'ed head. The frame froze. If that was a state-sanctioned action/soldier, and that footage was not staged (two things that I will never know), then that faction needs to be removed from power post-haste. Women in Afghanistan...geez.
I was walking out of K-mart and an elderly wheelchair-bound gentleman was offering "Freee papers today!" to passersby. I muttered "No, sorry," reflexively. He called out to me and said "What are you sorry for? Don't be sorry! Life is beautiful, enjoy your day!" to paraphrase. I felt embarrassed. It occurred to me that so much of my time is spent being anxious, being sorry for the loss of something or for someone's circumstances, or being embarrassed about something I did, felt, said, looked like...SOOOOO much of my time. A vast majority, I'd say. This is not good.
My book is still at 295 words. I think I will reopen it after I'm done LJing.
And now, because I can think of nothing else to say, the poll I stole from Tiff who stole it from Christina. I warn you, I can't count, so many times I give many answers when it asks for one. no wait, it's because I love you all and want to give give give.
-{}-{}-{}-{}-{}-{}-{}-{}-
The physical feature for which you are most often complimented: My eyes.
A place where you have always wanted to make love: My future kick-ass bedroom.
You feel most attractive when: I don't usually feel attractive. The closest I usually come is when my mind's off it.
The book, song or movie title that best describes your sexuality: Ursua Le Guin's "The Left Hand of Darkness." Or Tommy Tutone's "867-5309." Bjork's "It's Oh So Quiet."
No, seriously now: probably "Loverman" by NCATBS. ;)
You
Profession: Student/professional dependent/videotaper/music and film critic.
Height: 5'11" or 6', depending on who measures me.
Distinguishing marks: Scars encircling my left eye; my stature; my lack of neck; etc. etc.
Allergies: Lots.
Lucky number: What's luck?
A smell that makes you pause: Cooking food (bread good, bacon bad); Kris in all her olfactory glory
A taste that makes you melt: Good ice cream. Other than that...no comment.
A hobby that occupies your time: LJ. Playing my guitar. Talking to distant friends.
A city you'd like to visit: London. Paris.
A country you'd like to explore: England. France.
Your favorite meal: Pizza. Enchiladas. Veggieburgers a la Chilis. French fries.
A drink you order most often: Diet Coke; water; coffee stuff; Pina Colada smoothies from Blenders.
A delicious desert: Tiramisu. Anything with lots of chocolate and vanilla.
A book you highly recommend: A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess.
The music you prefer while alone: Moz; Travis; Radiohead; Massive; PJH; I dunno. From what I've heard, Hive would be really good alone music...
While at a party: I was at a party last year where they played NIN and the Cranes. I am in IV. This was highly unusual. I proceeded to get exceedingly...well, drunker. Other than that, good live stuff.
Your favorite band: Radiohead.
A film you could watch over and over: Trainspotting.
A TV show you watch regularly: I'd watch The Simpsons, Spongebob, and Zim regularly if I cared enough to schedule around them.
A monument you would like to have a view of from your room: The Eiffel Tower.
Your favorite time of the day: late.
Your favorite place to sit at home: At HOME-home, the new couches. At my apartment, my bed. I prefer lying down usually.
Your stuff
You live in a(n): apartment while here, parents' house in DB.
Your transportation: feet, Schwinn, friends, and MTD. in DB, sometimes a '91 Toyota Cressida.
You approx. annual income: too little.
Your cologne or perfume: Givenchy's "Insense."
Under your bed or in your closet you hide: Under the bed: My underwear (I have under-bed drawers). Condoms. Posters. In the closet: Clothes. A football. More clothes. Two suitcases.
Something important on your night table: My telephone.
When you sleep, you wear: Shorts, if there is no lock on the door.
If you had a safe, in it you would keep: ticket stubs, photos, etc etc.
Things you like to buy: Music; yummy food; concert tickets; clothes (but I don't like to SHOP for them). GUITAR STUFF--please?
If you could afford it at this moment, you would buy: A car. A big nice bed. A couple guitars. A house.
You collect: Dust.
You don't have a lot of: Motivation/energy, lately...
Your strangest possession: nothing really STRANGE...
Your most expensive possession: My computer, before it became so obsolete.
Your most prized possession: Perhaps my acoustic guitar. It used to be my dad's.
If your house was burning and you could only save three things, they would be: THINGS, not PEOPLE: my 'puter, my book collection (a singular noun=1 thing), Bailey, my guitar. I can carry all that in one trip.
Your morals
People should not marry before this age: the age at which they have enough life experience to know that they're making the right choice for them. this could be 20, it could be 40.
People should not have children before this age: the age at which they can take proper care of them emotionally and financially. many people never reach this age.
The appropriate age for having sex: the age at which you can act responsibly and safely.
When you are late for an appointment and it's your fault, do you tell the truth or tell a white lie: excuses are a way of life.
Your most recent lie: I don't remember...
One thing in this world you are addicted to: Caffeine. I get withdrawals.
A drug or alcoholic beverage you take on a regular basis: Caffeine.
If there were no side effects, you would enjoy being addicted to: Speed, probably. Sex, definitely.
Drugs you have tried in the past: lots of prescription drugs (for medical purposes); booze; pot
A drug you will never try again: pot
You believe hitting a child is an appropriate form of discipline: No.
As an adult you have hit a woman? No.
As an adult you have hit a man? No.
You have been arrested? No.
You have read someone's diary or gone through their personal possessions without asking? Yes.
What would your reaction be if your spouse or partner cheated on you: Nice knowing you. ::slam::
Have you purposely hurt someone emotionally: Yes. She deserved it.
Have you apologized? Not for that. She didn't deserve it.
Have you accidentally hurt someone emotionally: Of course.
Have you apologized? I apologize too often, I think.
Do you owe someone money but have stalled paying it back: ::hides from stern parental gaze::
If yes, how much is the amount? more than I have, by a damn sight...
Your religion and views of the world
Do you believe in God? No. But I don't necessarily disbelieve, either.
Describe God: Some amazing creative entity whose nature I will never comprehend.
What religion were you raised with: Feel-good Judaism; i.e., I was never guilted into going to shul.
Do you still practice this religion: Yes. I don't feel guilty about only going once or twice a year and eating bread on Pesach. I was adopted anyway; I'm of goyishe descent.
Your most spiritual moment: I dunno. Transcendence is hard to come by. I remember a contemplative moment outside Yokohama, staring at this tree...certain moments with loved ones...
Death is: natural but that doesn't mean I want it.
How you picture the end of the world: the end of humanity will result from a global pissing contest, I suspect. the end of the WORLD will come when it is enveloped by the expanding sun in its red giant phase (if I remember my astronomy correctly).
Do you feel that most wars started because of religious conflicts: No. I feel that wars start because people can't ACCEPT religious conflict; i.e., they're too impatient and domineering to just let God sort it out. they need not only to be right, but to make everyone else realize that they're right by use of brute force or coercion.
Does life exist on other planets? I'm sure it does.
Have they made contact with us: Not with me, unless they're incognito.
Do you believe we come from Adam and Eve: No. I came from Shelley and Mark.
Do you believe in astrology: Overall: nope. But I often treat superstitions as facts in individual conversations, only to realize later that I'm perhaps being somewhat foolish :)
Do you read your horoscope: no.
Have you ever been treated by a psychotherapist: Yes.
If reincarnation does exist, you'd like to come back as: Bedsheets in a sorority house. Just kidding. I dunno.
Your opinions...are in no way simple enough to be represented fully in this survey. and are, in many instances, hastily thought out. so call me on something you think I need to consider more thoroughly, please.
The right to have an abortion: should be present, but should not be invoked without much careful deliberation.
The right to own guns: has mostly gotten away from its original necessity; it USED to be a good idea...
The welfare system: is good and bad. some people need it to eat, but some others pimp it.
The death penalty: Generally, no. But I could see exceptions.
Rights and services for illegal immigrants: Depends. Lots of 'em deserve to be praised for their amazing work ethic; others likely pimp the system.
Legalization of drugs: With heavy regulation, perhaps.
Equal rights for homosexuals: Equal rights, equal privileges, equal dignity, equal respect. Love is wherever you find it.
The practice of premarital sex: Can be mighty fun. Can also be mighty destructive.
The worst crime against humanity: probably remains to be committed. we keep raising the bar.
The minimum punishment for those who molest children: Castration, punitive damages, payment of victims' therapy bills, and lifelong monitoring, probably. It's late and I don't want to develop a Richard Block Penal Code.
The minimum punishment for those who rape: See above.
Your opinion of the military: necessary evil. my opinion of most SOLDIERS is that they are noble people defending what they believe in. my opinion of "The Man" behind the whole thing is one of distrust. The information I would need to decide how I REALLY feel about our military is unavailable to me, as a civilian. See, confidentiality has the benefit of allowing the military the element of surprise, but it has the side effect of keeping us in the dark about what it's up to.
Your opinion of the draft: compulsory military service=enslavement. at this point in time, anyway. if we were in immediate danger of being invaded and brought down, as is Israel (which has compulsory service)...I don't know how I'd feel. ask me when canada sends troops into washington.
You would fight in a war if: someone had my family hostage.
The environmental issue that concerns you most: nukes and pollution.
I have not been happy lately. There are many reasons for this, most of which I am not acquainted with. I'm beginning to see patterns in myself that I thought I'd finished with, and that makes me even less happy. Yes, I'm being vague on purpose; I don't feel like dissecting myself in the theatre of LiveJournal, thanks.
I saw, in a documentary on Taliban-controlled Afghanistan and its effects on women, a shot of a man throwing a woman to the ground and placing his assault rifle against her burqa'ed head. The frame froze. If that was a state-sanctioned action/soldier, and that footage was not staged (two things that I will never know), then that faction needs to be removed from power post-haste. Women in Afghanistan...geez.
I was walking out of K-mart and an elderly wheelchair-bound gentleman was offering "Freee papers today!" to passersby. I muttered "No, sorry," reflexively. He called out to me and said "What are you sorry for? Don't be sorry! Life is beautiful, enjoy your day!" to paraphrase. I felt embarrassed. It occurred to me that so much of my time is spent being anxious, being sorry for the loss of something or for someone's circumstances, or being embarrassed about something I did, felt, said, looked like...SOOOOO much of my time. A vast majority, I'd say. This is not good.
My book is still at 295 words. I think I will reopen it after I'm done LJing.
And now, because I can think of nothing else to say, the poll I stole from Tiff who stole it from Christina. I warn you, I can't count, so many times I give many answers when it asks for one. no wait, it's because I love you all and want to give give give.
The physical feature for which you are most often complimented: My eyes.
A place where you have always wanted to make love: My future kick-ass bedroom.
You feel most attractive when: I don't usually feel attractive. The closest I usually come is when my mind's off it.
The book, song or movie title that best describes your sexuality: Ursua Le Guin's "The Left Hand of Darkness." Or Tommy Tutone's "867-5309." Bjork's "It's Oh So Quiet."
No, seriously now: probably "Loverman" by NCATBS. ;)
You
Profession: Student/professional dependent/videotaper/music and film critic.
Height: 5'11" or 6', depending on who measures me.
Distinguishing marks: Scars encircling my left eye; my stature; my lack of neck; etc. etc.
Allergies: Lots.
Lucky number: What's luck?
A smell that makes you pause: Cooking food (bread good, bacon bad); Kris in all her olfactory glory
A taste that makes you melt: Good ice cream. Other than that...no comment.
A hobby that occupies your time: LJ. Playing my guitar. Talking to distant friends.
A city you'd like to visit: London. Paris.
A country you'd like to explore: England. France.
Your favorite meal: Pizza. Enchiladas. Veggieburgers a la Chilis. French fries.
A drink you order most often: Diet Coke; water; coffee stuff; Pina Colada smoothies from Blenders.
A delicious desert: Tiramisu. Anything with lots of chocolate and vanilla.
A book you highly recommend: A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess.
The music you prefer while alone: Moz; Travis; Radiohead; Massive; PJH; I dunno. From what I've heard, Hive would be really good alone music...
While at a party: I was at a party last year where they played NIN and the Cranes. I am in IV. This was highly unusual. I proceeded to get exceedingly...well, drunker. Other than that, good live stuff.
Your favorite band: Radiohead.
A film you could watch over and over: Trainspotting.
A TV show you watch regularly: I'd watch The Simpsons, Spongebob, and Zim regularly if I cared enough to schedule around them.
A monument you would like to have a view of from your room: The Eiffel Tower.
Your favorite time of the day: late.
Your favorite place to sit at home: At HOME-home, the new couches. At my apartment, my bed. I prefer lying down usually.
Your stuff
You live in a(n): apartment while here, parents' house in DB.
Your transportation: feet, Schwinn, friends, and MTD. in DB, sometimes a '91 Toyota Cressida.
You approx. annual income: too little.
Your cologne or perfume: Givenchy's "Insense."
Under your bed or in your closet you hide: Under the bed: My underwear (I have under-bed drawers). Condoms. Posters. In the closet: Clothes. A football. More clothes. Two suitcases.
Something important on your night table: My telephone.
When you sleep, you wear: Shorts, if there is no lock on the door.
If you had a safe, in it you would keep: ticket stubs, photos, etc etc.
Things you like to buy: Music; yummy food; concert tickets; clothes (but I don't like to SHOP for them). GUITAR STUFF--please?
If you could afford it at this moment, you would buy: A car. A big nice bed. A couple guitars. A house.
You collect: Dust.
You don't have a lot of: Motivation/energy, lately...
Your strangest possession: nothing really STRANGE...
Your most expensive possession: My computer, before it became so obsolete.
Your most prized possession: Perhaps my acoustic guitar. It used to be my dad's.
If your house was burning and you could only save three things, they would be: THINGS, not PEOPLE: my 'puter, my book collection (a singular noun=1 thing), Bailey, my guitar. I can carry all that in one trip.
Your morals
People should not marry before this age: the age at which they have enough life experience to know that they're making the right choice for them. this could be 20, it could be 40.
People should not have children before this age: the age at which they can take proper care of them emotionally and financially. many people never reach this age.
The appropriate age for having sex: the age at which you can act responsibly and safely.
When you are late for an appointment and it's your fault, do you tell the truth or tell a white lie: excuses are a way of life.
Your most recent lie: I don't remember...
One thing in this world you are addicted to: Caffeine. I get withdrawals.
A drug or alcoholic beverage you take on a regular basis: Caffeine.
If there were no side effects, you would enjoy being addicted to: Speed, probably. Sex, definitely.
Drugs you have tried in the past: lots of prescription drugs (for medical purposes); booze; pot
A drug you will never try again: pot
You believe hitting a child is an appropriate form of discipline: No.
As an adult you have hit a woman? No.
As an adult you have hit a man? No.
You have been arrested? No.
You have read someone's diary or gone through their personal possessions without asking? Yes.
What would your reaction be if your spouse or partner cheated on you: Nice knowing you. ::slam::
Have you purposely hurt someone emotionally: Yes. She deserved it.
Have you apologized? Not for that. She didn't deserve it.
Have you accidentally hurt someone emotionally: Of course.
Have you apologized? I apologize too often, I think.
Do you owe someone money but have stalled paying it back: ::hides from stern parental gaze::
If yes, how much is the amount? more than I have, by a damn sight...
Your religion and views of the world
Do you believe in God? No. But I don't necessarily disbelieve, either.
Describe God: Some amazing creative entity whose nature I will never comprehend.
What religion were you raised with: Feel-good Judaism; i.e., I was never guilted into going to shul.
Do you still practice this religion: Yes. I don't feel guilty about only going once or twice a year and eating bread on Pesach. I was adopted anyway; I'm of goyishe descent.
Your most spiritual moment: I dunno. Transcendence is hard to come by. I remember a contemplative moment outside Yokohama, staring at this tree...certain moments with loved ones...
Death is: natural but that doesn't mean I want it.
How you picture the end of the world: the end of humanity will result from a global pissing contest, I suspect. the end of the WORLD will come when it is enveloped by the expanding sun in its red giant phase (if I remember my astronomy correctly).
Do you feel that most wars started because of religious conflicts: No. I feel that wars start because people can't ACCEPT religious conflict; i.e., they're too impatient and domineering to just let God sort it out. they need not only to be right, but to make everyone else realize that they're right by use of brute force or coercion.
Does life exist on other planets? I'm sure it does.
Have they made contact with us: Not with me, unless they're incognito.
Do you believe we come from Adam and Eve: No. I came from Shelley and Mark.
Do you believe in astrology: Overall: nope. But I often treat superstitions as facts in individual conversations, only to realize later that I'm perhaps being somewhat foolish :)
Do you read your horoscope: no.
Have you ever been treated by a psychotherapist: Yes.
If reincarnation does exist, you'd like to come back as: Bedsheets in a sorority house. Just kidding. I dunno.
Your opinions...are in no way simple enough to be represented fully in this survey. and are, in many instances, hastily thought out. so call me on something you think I need to consider more thoroughly, please.
The right to have an abortion: should be present, but should not be invoked without much careful deliberation.
The right to own guns: has mostly gotten away from its original necessity; it USED to be a good idea...
The welfare system: is good and bad. some people need it to eat, but some others pimp it.
The death penalty: Generally, no. But I could see exceptions.
Rights and services for illegal immigrants: Depends. Lots of 'em deserve to be praised for their amazing work ethic; others likely pimp the system.
Legalization of drugs: With heavy regulation, perhaps.
Equal rights for homosexuals: Equal rights, equal privileges, equal dignity, equal respect. Love is wherever you find it.
The practice of premarital sex: Can be mighty fun. Can also be mighty destructive.
The worst crime against humanity: probably remains to be committed. we keep raising the bar.
The minimum punishment for those who molest children: Castration, punitive damages, payment of victims' therapy bills, and lifelong monitoring, probably. It's late and I don't want to develop a Richard Block Penal Code.
The minimum punishment for those who rape: See above.
Your opinion of the military: necessary evil. my opinion of most SOLDIERS is that they are noble people defending what they believe in. my opinion of "The Man" behind the whole thing is one of distrust. The information I would need to decide how I REALLY feel about our military is unavailable to me, as a civilian. See, confidentiality has the benefit of allowing the military the element of surprise, but it has the side effect of keeping us in the dark about what it's up to.
Your opinion of the draft: compulsory military service=enslavement. at this point in time, anyway. if we were in immediate danger of being invaded and brought down, as is Israel (which has compulsory service)...I don't know how I'd feel. ask me when canada sends troops into washington.
You would fight in a war if: someone had my family hostage.
The environmental issue that concerns you most: nukes and pollution.
